Posted by eporter on April 22, 2024
Tips for Promoting Healthy Mentoring Relationship Closure
For some mentoring programs, particularly school-based mentoring programs, the lifecycle of the mentoring relationship follows the schedule of the academic year. This means that many mentoring relationships will soon come to a close, or matches must redefine their relationship. As summer approaches and the school year comes to an end for many students, mentoring program staff and mentors should begin preparing to close or redefine their mentoring relationships in a healthy, impactful way.
Why preparing for match closure is important
Some mentoring trainings and resources focus primarily on strategies to initiate and maintain a strong, impactful mentoring relationship; however, it is equally important for mentors to learn strategies to close their mentoring relationship in a way that will benefit themselves and their mentee. Mentoring relationship closure can evoke negative feelings or a sense of loss for everyone involved, so it is important to handle the closure process with care. When relationship closure is abrupt or unplanned, mentees may feel abandoned, confused, or upset, which may negatively impact their self-worth and functioning. In addition, mentors may feel guilty for upsetting their mentee by ending the relationship abruptly. Negative experiences during relationship closure could overshadow the positive experiences that matches have throughout the mentoring relationship if they are not properly addressed, which could limit the long-lasting, positive impacts that mentees experience from mentoring. Taking time to prepare for relationship closure is an important way to prevent these negative experiences from happening, so matches can remember their mentoring relationships fondly and continue to benefit from their mentoring experiences. In addition, being prepared for closure can help mentors mitigate the long-lasting impacts that these negative experiences can have on mentees if they do occur during closure.
Tip 1: Complete mentoring training on closure
High-quality mentoring trainings that provide strategies for mentors to close the mentoring relationship can promote healthy match endings so mentees and mentors can experience long-lasting positive effects from mentoring. Relationship closure is a vital opportunity for mentors and mentees to reflect on what did or did not go well during the relationship, assess what they learned from the relationship, and explore how they are feeling about the end of their relationship. In fact, positive mentoring relationship closure experiences could improve mentees’ social and emotional wellbeing by providing them with a healthy example of how relationships can end, which is knowledge they can use for their future relationships. By completing training on mentoring relationship closure, mentors can learn ways to close their relationship in a way that promotes reflection and personal growth for both themselves and their mentee.
Building and Maintaining the Relationship, an interactive, web-based training course designed to give mentors skills for various stages in the lifecycle of a mentoring relationship, contains actionable strategies that mentors learn and practice for closing a mentoring relationship. For example, the course includes a checklist of steps that mentors can use for a thoughtful and healthy end to a mentoring relationship. Mentors learn strategies to reflect on the mentoring relationship, get support from program staff for closure, talk with mentees and their families about closure, celebrate the mentoring relationship, and say goodbye to their mentee.
The in-person Building Your Mentoring Skills training workshop also contains learning activities and information to teach mentors to close their mentoring relationship in a healthy way. With materials to conduct the in-person workshop, mentoring program staff can engage their mentors in discussions and realistic scenarios to understand how they can communicate with their mentee about closure in a way that benefits the match. The training workshop also gives program staff the opportunity to discuss their program’s specific policies and procedures regarding closure with mentors involved in their program. Building Your Mentoring Skills is designed to supplement Mentoring Central’s web-based, pre-match mentor trainings, so mentors receive a thorough training experience.
If you are interested in offering Building and Maintaining the Relationship and/or Building Your Mentoring Skills to help your mentors close their mentoring relationships in healthy ways, visit our website to get started.
Tip 2: Discuss closure
Communication between matches, mentoring program staff, and parents/guardians of mentees is perhaps the most important step in the process of closing or redefining a mentoring relationship. Prior to relationship closure, program staff should discuss their mentoring program’s policies and procedures regarding closure with all members of the match. Having discussions about closure may help mentors and mentees feel that their concerns about closure are heard and that they have an active part in choosing the future of their mentoring relationship.
Each mentoring relationship may have different needs and options regarding match closure or redefinition, and open communication allows matches to explore these options fully. Some matches may have the opportunity to consider redefining their mentoring relationship at the end of a school year rather than closing it. Matches and mentoring program staff may be able to renegotiate the terms of the mentoring relationship, so the match can continue. For example, some school-based matches may be able to continue match meetings in a community setting over the summer by discussing the option with mentoring program staff and the mentee’s parents or guardians.
In addition, some matches may have the chance to rejuvenate and recommit to their mentoring relationship if their relationship has been negatively affected. For example, if a mentor and mentee do not officially close their mentoring relationship at the end of a school year but do not continue to meet regularly over the summer, the match may have the chance to rejuvenate their mentoring relationship at the beginning of the following school year by discussing the option with mentoring program staff.
Mentoring program staff, mentors, and mentees must all have the opportunity to understand and discuss their options to close or redefine their mentoring relationship before proceeding with relationship closure so that each match can make the best choice for their relationship. In addition, conversations between mentors and mentees about closure can help matches process any negative feelings that arise before or during closure so that the relationship is not negatively impacted by unaddressed emotions or concerns. Mentors should ensure that their mentee fully understands when and why their mentoring relationship must come to an end, listen to their mentee’s concerns about closure, and answer their mentee’s questions. Many mentees may be concerned that their mentor no longer cares for them when the mentoring relationship comes to a close. For this reason, mentors should explain the reasons the match is ending, express care for their mentee, and speak positively about their past experiences together.
Tip 3: Take time to prepare
Planning ahead for match closure is another important way to prevent problems at the end of the mentoring relationship. Program staff should meet with matches and mentees’ families to discuss plans for closure well before the end of the school year, so matches have time to think through their decisions about the future of their relationship and are not taken by surprise when the time comes for their relationship to close. It is helpful for program staff to have written policies and procedures to guide staff and matches through the closure process to avoid a rushed closure. In addition, planning the process of match closure early allows program staff time to plan closure activities, such as exit interviews and match celebrations.
Because relationship closure can be upsetting and confusing for matches, some mentors avoid the difficult process of closure. However, mentors should have discussions with their mentee about closure well in advance, so their mentee has time to ask questions and process their emotions.
Mentoring Central’s Building and Maintaining the Relationship is designed to help mentors prepare for match closure starting at the beginning of the mentoring relationship, so mentors have ample time to discuss closure with their mentee. Mentors can take Building and Maintaining the Relationship before they meet with their mentee for the first time to learn strategies for closure, and then, mentors can refer back to information that they learned in the training at any point in their mentoring relationship. In addition, mentors can download tip sheets from the training to guide them through conversations that they have with their mentee about closure or to remind them of strategies they learned from the course.
To learn more about the Building and Maintaining the Relationship training course for mentors, visit our website for more information.