Posted by eporter on October 31, 2024
Tips for Navigating Difficult Conversations with Your Mentee
Having difficult or uncomfortable conversations with a mentee is one aspect of mentoring that many mentors find intimidating. For example, you may find it challenging to navigate conversations about substance misuse, concepts of gender, racism, and violence with your mentee in ways that are empowering, respectful, and foster relationship closeness.
Below, we have outlined tips for having difficult or uncomfortable conversations with a mentee, so you can build a closer, more impactful mentoring relationship.
Remember that difficult conversations are important.
While you may feel tempted avoid talking about uncomfortable topics with your mentee, it is important not to shy away from difficult conversations. Turning down your mentee’s requests to talk about sensitive topics may make them feel isolated or ashamed for asking. In addition, difficult conversations are often important opportunities to help your mentee feel heard, provide insight when appropriate, and strengthen your mentoring relationship. They also provide opportunities for growth and learning for both you and your mentee.
Tip: If you find yourself feeling nervous when your mentee initiates uncomfortable conversations, remind yourself that it is a good sign for your mentee to open up to you as your relationship progresses. It likely means that they feel safe around you and that your relationship is growing stronger.
Consider ways that your mentee feels comfortable talking.
The environment that you choose to talk to your mentee in can make a significant difference in how your conversations go. For example, many young people today feel comfortable and familiar with talking in virtual environments.
Tip: Talking to your mentee by texting, video calling, or through other messaging apps may help them feel more comfortable than speaking with you in person.
Alternatively, speaking in-person with your mentee may provide opportunities to communicate with body language in a positive way. Your mentee may also feel that they can communicate their thoughts better verbally compared to texting or writing a note.
Tip: If you and your mentee choose to talk face-to-face, consider choosing a private environment to meet where your mentee will not have to worry about being overheard by others.
Be sure to ask your mentee what their preferred method of communication is about these topics, so you can make sure they feel comfortable.
Assess and be attuned.
When talking to your mentee, it is important to make sure they feel seen and heard. Practicing attunement in your mentoring relationship is a good way to do so. Attunement in mentoring relationships involves becoming aware of your mentee’s verbal and nonverbal cues, so you can understand how to appropriately respond. Learning to become aware of your own cues first can help you learn to understand your mentee’s cues as well.
Tip: Practice regularly assessing how you speak and move when you are feeling strong emotions, so you can learn your own verbal and nonverbal cues. Before each interaction with your mentee, ask yourself how you are feeling, and pay attention to your cues. Acknowledging any anxiety or frustration you are feeling and taking some deep breaths can help you enter your interactions with your mentee in a motivated, positive place, ready to focus on your mentee’s needs.
It is also important to empathize with your mentee if they are talking about topics that are uncomfortable or upsetting to them. It is normal to have your own opinions and feelings come up during difficult conversations with your mentee, but be sure to assess if your own emotions may come in the way of you supporting your mentee.
Tip: If you are preparing to have a difficult conversation with your mentee soon, acknowledge any of your own biases, emotional triggers, and limitations related to the topic beforehand, and make a plan about how to handle any potential roadblocks to supporting your mentee during these conversations.
Once you have learned more about your own cues, you can start putting your skills into practice during your interactions with your mentee.
Tip: When you are with your mentee, pay attention to their facial expressions, their movements, the tone of their voice, and the way they hold themselves. Then, ask yourself what this may indicate about their emotional state, and respond appropriately. In addition, try to be aware of your own body language when your mentee is speaking to you. Facing them, making eye contact, and nodding will show them that you are actively listening to them.
Let your mentee lead.
You may find some relief in knowing that it is not your responsibility to have all the right answers for your mentee but to listen and validate their feelings instead. In fact, it is most beneficial to your mentee to prioritize giving them space to communicate their feelings and thoughts instead of correcting or lecturing them during difficult conversations. As a mentor, your primary responsibility to your mentee is to provide a safe space for them to explore their own ideas.
Tip: Instead of immediately offering a solution or advice to your mentee when they initiate a conversation about a difficult situation or topic, ask your mentee their opinion on the matter. If you would like to help your mentee, ask them how they would like you to help and offer them other resources that can help them as well.
Also, while many difficult topics are important to talk to your mentee about, some information may not be helpful to share with them. It is okay to set boundaries with your mentee if they ask you about your private life or topics that are not age appropriate for them to discuss yet.
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